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That Myth of Complicated Relationships



The first time I heard about the concept of relationships being complicated was when “It’s Complicated” became a status choice on Facebook profiles. I remember seeing it on friends’ pages and wondering exactly what that meant. Since then, the word “complicated" has been used often to describe our lives in general, which is interesting considering our power as humans to problem solve. But oh, how our society thrives on drama.


We are the ones that have imagined ourselves into complicated relationships. And we perpetuate these complications by spreading gossip, complaining, judging, accusing, making assumptions and excuses. It’s no wonder there are so many lonely people out there. With dating strategies like consulting background check apps and looking for red flags from the get go and assigning terms like narcissist and gaslighting we quickly talk ourselves out of potential perfect partners, who are guilty until proven innocent. Fear and mistrust, not love, guide the process.  The idea of sustainable relationships is quickly disappearing, taking the idea of the fairy tale with it.  


Oh, and I know this fairy tale can exist. While volunteering at a retirement home, some residents and I had a long group talk about what their idea of true love was. Most had been through the “until death do us part'' experience. The evidence was in their faraway glances and tears in their eyes as they talked about departed spouses. There was no disguising their feelings or words behind a screen. They spoke pure love. This doesn’t begin with a knight in shining armor rescuing a princess. It is simpler. Two imperfect human beings looking for companionship who are willing to pay attention to, respect and show kindness toward each other, talk face to face openly and honestly with each other, trust each other, want to spend time with each other, stumble along with each other and especially laugh with each other. Committed to each other without the need for opinions of friends or therapists. And especially without seeking advice or airing out frustrations on social media. 


I fiercely defend my stance on the existence of fairy tale relationships. Since I believe we attract what we manifest, we have to write our own, however, and be willing to stay in character, not with fear and mistrust, but with kindness and love directing the ongoing neverending story. All of my relationships are resplendent with that sense of pure love. Because all of that other complicated stuff is made up or exaggerated, and I care enough about all of my “each others” to make them a priority. I haven’t forgotten how to love. Everyone. And it feels good.


FROM THE SANCTUARY

The word of the day is WHITE! It seems that Mama Nature grew tired of holding in her snow this winter, and let loose, decorating by the foot this past week. She interrupted some travel, school schedules and our Buffalo Bills for a day, reminding us that we should slow down.  During this I had a laugh out loud moment when a frosty man showed up at my front door in nearly impossible conditions risking life and limb to deliver my nonessential Amazon order of two coffee creamers. I thanked him profusely while silently questioning our society's priorities.


I enjoyed watching Mama’s flakes fall like a billion angels arriving for an earth party. In the deep snow, the deer were able to reach the lower pine branches for their munchies, and the squirrels managed to still scurry around and find reasons to play. And it’s really cool to be able to have enough daylight to still see across the yard at 5:45 pm.


My playtime is taking place indoors these days. Cleaning closets, writing letters and watching nature videos in anticipation for the spectacular real show that the earth will reveal that is currently in the works underneath the white blanket.


Be safe and warm, everyone. And if you’re winter bored, try writing yourself a simple fairy tale.










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