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What if?

What if something happens? That was the question someone asked me when I announced my plans to move to Ohio. I came up with all sorts of answers such as “I’m only six hours by car away.” After several days of contemplating our conversation and my life in general, my answer became more defined and clear. Yes, what if something does happen. What if that “something” is loving and not fearful? What if?

How many times do we stall our lives by answering that question with negative scenarios? What if we get sick, what if we lose all of our money, what if we fail? Four years ago I connected with a fellow author on LinkedIn. We messaged a few times and discovered that we had much in common spiritually and philosophically, so we exchanged phone numbers and began having phone conversations that lasted for hours. We shared a lot of laughs this way. He lived in Hawaii and offered to pay my way there to celebrate his birthday live. Fearful. I declined, but we continued our delightful catch up calls every few months. Last month I thought of him, and called to find his landline disconnected and his cell number with a voice mail not set up yet. I tried reaching him again last week with the same results. I Googled his name and found his obituary. He passed away nine months ago. I cried for two days, tears of sadness and regret for never having met him in person. What if I had gone to meet him? Instead, my awkward attempt to make a connection in a world that has become misconnected, I looked up his sister on Facebook, introduced myself and sent her a condolence message.

I’m writing this on my sixtieth birthday. I am spending it by myself because the people closest to me have chosen to spend their time elsewhere or have forgotten their offers to fulfill my wishes. If that sounds like a statement of self pity, it is not. They did reach out with their devices. As time passes, I watch the human world become comfortably disconnected and distracted from each other and more connected to these devices. This is a shift that I don’t embrace, so I have recalculated by putting down my devices more and seeking out those left who do the same. I’m getting so used to others' ghosting that I have grown comfortable with heading to events by myself to make friends the old fashioned way (even out of state), because I still prefer personal contact.

So yes, I am moving to a much smaller village in Ohio, where this past summer I took a risk, ignoring the “what ifs” and found a new family in perfect strangers. I’m trusting my intuition and connecting with many new friends who like to spend time with each other and nature.


As outdoor temperatures continue to fall, the leaves drop and scatter and the light begins to surrender to the darkness, my activity focus shifts to the indoors. Movers came to rearrange furniture, creating a functional meeting space for writing workshops and healing gatherings and my office has been transformed into a guest room. The Universe has provided me with a caretaker who is interested in improving the sanctuary both indoors and outdoors, and helping me with spreading the good work of recovery to others. A true blessing and manifestation of my trust in a higher power.

May your higher power grant your wishes also. And may your connections satisfy your heart, making all of your “what ifs” come true.

Love, Mary

2 Kommentare

Love this!

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Melissa Toni
Melissa Toni
26. Nov. 2023

Good for you, Mary, for following your heart and trusting yourself ❤️ I wish you the best of nature and people there. You always had a pure spiritual connection.

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